Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
