i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
