My room smells like vodka and shame
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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