i jhust puked up my retainher.
we made out on top of his cat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
