put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
