Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The air was thick with penises
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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