Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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