What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
