Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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