That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
