Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
