So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize