the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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