I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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