also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
