Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
