His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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