That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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