im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize