oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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