i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
