at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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