Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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