Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
