Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why can't burritos get me drunk
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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