How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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