I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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