I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
