I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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