when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
