Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
