u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
