Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
