Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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