have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
