Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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