Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
