just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
