i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
