my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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