What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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