either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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