I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
