i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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