I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
