I cannot find my penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
