He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
