hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
