So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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