The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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