he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
