i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
