Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
