Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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