So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
