this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i will never coherently bang her
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
