he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
