i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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