I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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