That's when you crack a 10am beer
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
