i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
