Well apparently he's into motor boating.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
