College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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