I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
