my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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