I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
