Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize