True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
