White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My ass is underappreciated
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
