I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
