did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize