covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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