Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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