it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
