I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
