Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
