And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
