I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
