i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
