accomplished twins. life is a go
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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