i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
