i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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