my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
