According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
