shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
