Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
