Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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