i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
