I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
