I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize