he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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