absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
