i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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