I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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