In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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