I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I currently don't understand fingers.
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