The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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