doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
