Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
