I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
