I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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