She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
