I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Terrible idea I love it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
