I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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