my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
