If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
