What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
