i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
