I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
