My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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