i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
