are you so shy because you have an std?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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